For some reason I have a vivid memory of my childhood. I’m not sure if it’s actually my memory or a memory based on stories that have been told. The best way to describe it is like a puzzle, some pieces are mine and some are others.

I was born in Vancouver and at the age of one we moved back to Italy where my dad was from. We had a great life! My mom was my bff, I wanted to be exactly like her growing up. Strong, Self sufficient, beautiful but most of all loving and selfless.

Eight years later my sister was born. This is a memory that will stick with me forever.  This is what now I have learned that being a mother changed my own mother.

My sister was two months premature. One month prior to the two months my mom was in and out of the hospital. I remember them asking my mom who the doctors should resuscitate if the C section does not go as planned. There was a 50% chance of survival rate for both of them. What came to follow were three months in hospital, my sister in and out of the incubator for most of that time and me without seeing my mom for many days and months.

One year later we decided to move back to Canada. My dad at this point, had gone through a major traumatic experience with his work and decided that our family would be best in Canada. Since I was older then my sister and needed to start school, my dad and I came here first while my sister and mom stayed back a few months longer to finalize stuff.

I wanted to give you guys a bit of background to really understand why sometimes we are put in situations we can’t explain! For the longest time I could not grasp  or wrap my head around the fact that my mom would let me go to another country without her and for so long. I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t her old self after all these experiences and I have struggled with truly understanding who she really was. I just wanted my old mommy back!

This alone was my struggle I had to overcome.

I was forced to be strong, adapt to whatever situation I was put in and move on!

I have been asking God to help me understand her for so long and he has answered my prayer. Here I am in a similar situation, a situation where things are not in your control and you are forced to just go with it and try your best! And that’s exactly what she did! She tried her best to be the best mom, wife, friend, she could be given the situations she had to face.

As much as this experience has been tough, it has been part of my growth and I am so grateful that I have been put in it to open my heart and truly understand mom.

 “No one and nothing is worth closing your heart for, open your heart and Love Love Love”