Manifest Your future

If you don’t visualize, how can it manifest? 

I know what your thinking, I probably have some story about how I made a vision board and then all the things came true.......not exactly, however it does work!

 Since I bought the business I became curious of manifestation. I have read all the books, done the workshops and drank the juice! 

True manifestation for me is the power of believing in yourself to the point where you will not allow anything to stand in your way!  

The power of visualization is to be disciplined in knowing your goal and sticking to it!  

Now the thing is that Goals can look different to each and everyone of us. The purpose of setting a goal is NOT to achieve it and then pat yourself on the back, the purpose of setting a Goal is to look back and see how you achieved it and what you are capable of. To truly enjoy the journey, that’s the most important part.

I want to share my Top 3 Visualization tools that have helped me along the way. These 3 things are a must in my morning Ritual and they are the fundamentals to tre Visualization & Manifestation.

No.1 Meditation & Prayer

TRUST THe PROCESS

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Some people meditate others pray, I do both. Meditation helps me focus on my breath and slowing down. It allowed me to place focus on what I am trying to visualize. As I meditate I focus on my goal, this goal can be personal, business oriented or whatever it’s your vision! I focus and repeat a prayer or mantra depending on my needs that day. Guided prayer meditations are also very powerful. They allow me to look beyond my challenges and put trust on God and myself for a greater outcome .

No.2 Vision Board

I have been making vision boards for over 10 year now and honestly they work! This tool is so powerful for manifesting. Not only do you have the things you are trying to manifest rite in front of you, day in and day out, but you made that board with intention. By placing intention and focus on the things you want you are giving them energy to grow and manifest.

my Top journals

No.3 Journaling

Ok y’all know how obsessed I am with Journaling! This blog is basically my journal. It has really changed my perspective and life. Writing for me is a form of expression and a place that I can go back to.

The journey is what counts. There are times that things might come up, “things” that may set you back or situations that may even stop us for a while. How you handle it, and what you choose to do is part of the end goal. Goals teach us lessons, most of all allow us to dream and see what we are capable of.

What will be your next move?

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118 days HOME TIME

One year ago today September 18 we were told that we could leave BC Women’s NICU with our baby GIRL, after spending 118 days there, those words seamed surreal.

What now? We were so used to the monitor and the 24hour care. Was she really ok? We’re we up for the challenge? How do we take care of her? What do we do?

Panic mode flooded our thoughts we were so excited yet so afraid. We had no idea because the only life we had know for the passed year was a hospital life.

Fast forward to today weighing in at a whopping 20 pounds baby girl is doing great! We had a check in at RCH yesterday and usually old feelings come back for us, after our check ins we visit the nurses in the NICU. To be honest I need to mentally prep for these meetings. I’m a mess when I leave. The sounds of the machines to the smell of the unit triggers so much that it’s something I really need to prep for.

Daddy went with baby girl this time. As I mentioned all the emotions came pouring over. As he walked in and said hi Stella was all smiles. Laughing saying hello, her only word lol

One nurse who took care of Stella started to cry and got emotional. Can you imagine Thor life as a NICU nurse?

What really hit home was when he met a current NICU Mamma with a 26 week old. She came out of the “pumping” room, oh how I hated that room (another blog post) She saw Stella and couldn’t believe she too at one point was 850 g 26 weeks.

All Fil told her was that although she may not see the light there is a light at the end. Obviously tears came pouring down for both of them. She said that till this day she felt down and like there was no hope but after seeing him and Stella she felt way better. 

I hope that no matter what situation you are currently in you find a little light that fires that hope within you 💕

“For I know the plans I have for you, “ declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”

              -Jeremiah 29:11

365 Day of Stella

Baby girl is ONE! How the heck has this happened! It’s been a whirlwind of a year. Who would have thought all of this would have gone down! 

We are extremely grateful to have Stella home safe and happy! With all the ups and down came a lot of troubled times,  not only as Individuals but through our marriage. 

I personally process things differently then Fil so the passed year I was on overdrive for most of it, kept going till I knew it was time to stop. The time has come to face my trauma and really put in the work! Fil has been my rock he too has had a lot to over come but he faces it as it comes and moves on.  

I have started to really pay attention to the things that serve me and the things that overload my day. Taking the Recenter With in program with Andrea Saliba has done wonders. Not only has it allowed me to shed some weight and get back into a Healthy  routine BUT it has taught me how to be mindful about how I feel and when I do eat how the food makes me feel after! I can’t say enough good things about the program!  

Having a support system of friends, family and Doctors who can support you is huge!  

Don’t feel guilty don’t second guess yourself, you need this do it for you, you are worth it!  

Xo  

Rosanna  

One year ago

It’s been one year to date since I got hospitalized for my las pregnancy. 6 weeks later our miracle was born.

There are moments I cant even look at these old photos and to be honest its even hard for the kids to look at Stella’s newborn photos. I do think that its important to recover as a family, because we each took away a different experience, and that may look different to all of us.

One whole year has literally flown by. I have been distracting my mind so that I wouldn’t have to actually sit with my feelings.

I thought that my experience made me stronger, but in some ways it has taken over my mind. What I mean by that is that it has made me SO much more aware of my on going thoughts. Because Stella was so prem, and at any point her life can be taken away, the nurses and Doctors made it clear that it’s  imperative to keep a positive mind when with her.

There was no way I wasn’t going to commit to that for her. Little did I know she was brought to us to do that exact thing for us!

Lately it has been consuming my thoughts. I can’t stop thinking about what a miracle Stella is, how we could have lost her, how I almost died, the 6 long ass weeks in the hospital, conversations with the nurses, the pains I had, the exact medication I took at the exact times. It just doesn’t stop!

It’s as if I now have some sort of Postpartum.  Im sure its called PTSD.  There are so many things that no one talks to you about after giving birth or after a stay at the NICU. 

Really it wouldn’t have made a difference knowing all the possible things that could go wrong but what would have helped is knowing how as a family we could have received help. Thats why im sharing all of this with you so that you may find some comfort through your journey. So here goes…….

First off you will be in sudden shock mode, as I to call it. You will see your baby and think wow he/she not that small, and then suddenly one day it will hit you like a ton of bricks and you mite have a meltdown, and guess what?! THATS OK! its all part of it!

Second, there will be some fantastic days and there will be shitty days that you mite want to give up! But remember that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, and when you think you can’t handle it any more, turn to him and pray. Prayer got us through so much!

Third, your marriage mite get a litte crazy. between no sleet, back and forth to the hospital and no time for each other. If you have other kids both of your emotions will be super high so be patient with one another. Nurture YOUR relationship. Escape and have some quality time, date nights, its SO SO SO important I cant stress this enough! You two need each other NOW more than ever!

Fourth, you have other children spend time with them too. take a day off and allow other family to come to the hospital to spend time with new baby and go and have a family fun day.

Fifth, this is the most important one, well for me it was. Seak some family conseling for yourself and your spouse. Its so great to talk to someone who doesnt know you, cant judge you and shit sometimes you want to vent and complain about how hard this journey has been, but you dont want to sound ungratefull or selfish! YOU NEED THIS, give yourself this gift and give yourself permission.

Lastly, you are doing an amazing job! You are doing the best you can and trust the process!

Through all of this I have read several books and talked to several people and this was one of the activities that really really helped!

I have decided to write a letter to myself from my old self.....you mite think I’m crazy but oh well..........

Dear Rosanna,

As I sit here writing you this letter I want you to know, that straight up the pain you felt when you were 33 you will feel when you are 103.

If you didn’t experience this pain and suffering you wouldn’t  know your worth. You were put in that situation for a purpose, because you can handle it! Your children were given to you because just as much as they need you, YOU NEED THEM.

Fil, your sweet sweet Fil, all these small petty things will disappear and what will be left is your endless love. The love you sparked between the two of you on your first ice cream date.

You see you are meant for one another. You are meant to be honest, and as a reflection to one another. You balance each other and hold each other accountable, you will truly know the meaning of this sooner than you think.

If I can give you a pice of advice, pray your pain away, give it all to God. Turn to him when you lose hope.

Minutes Seconds and hours pass quick, and when I say quick I mean fast rite before your eyes! Seas those moments, be present in every act and Trust that this too shall pass. Focus, focus on you, on your love for one another and all else will just be!

Love Ro

1st child 4th family surgery

As Surgery day approaches for the third time for our first born, I can’t help but to have feelings that I thought were “resolved” come up. This photo was taken on his very first surgery. 

You know when you think you are over something and you just caught your breath, but then something else pops up that makes you feel like you are back to the bottom.

This journey of ours has really tested us thus far in many many ways, and it continues to teach us things mainly about ourselves and how we can grow and become better people, better friends better brothers sisters and mothers.

Journaling is something I started at such a young age, god only knows how many diaries I had full of words and emotions. Till this day I Journal to gather my thoughts in one area and to allow those feelings to move through me. By writing them down I feel as if they leave my body, if I didn’t journal it would feel as if I was bottling it all inside! I’m currently using the 100 day journal from Lucy Celebrates. It’s such a beautiful Gratitude journal it has amazing inspiring biblical quotes as well as it keeps you accountable with your thoughts! 

I cant help but to ask myself how children are so strong to endure such things! They are so resilient, they come back and forget in seconds!  

Can’t  we be more like this? Can’t we be more forgiving and compassionate towards each other?  

Such things go though my head in times like this. Because it’s now our fourth surgery at Children’s hospital we know the routine we know what to expect. I don’t know if I feel sad about the fact that it second nature now to us. I honestly feel numb to the situation it’s jair something that I have no choice but to be strong and be there for my children. Falling apart is not an option. 

Dont get me wrong I have my moments. All these “events” have taken a toll on me. There are days I’m so upset about it all, days I can’t even talk or think about it and days where I cry all the time. It’s a roller coaster of emotions. But what is stronger through all those emotions are those miracles that came out it! 3 healthy children who are alive and thriving. 

Finding God’s presence and leaning on him instead of myself in times like this, has allowed me to heal and overcome so much.

There are blessings all around us if you are willing to look!  

Xo  

Ro  

Remembering to Breathe & Overcoming Trauma

These days nature has been my bff! Getting out there and breathing has cleared my mind in ways I couldn have ever imagined.

2018 was tough. I didn’t realize how hard it hit me till now, now that i’m taking the time to sit with my thoughts. To be honest it’s something I have been avoiding. I guess its my coping mechanism.

At times I can’t even relive the “story” and there are moments FIl talks about it with family or friends, and I would have to ask him to stop.

At times it creeps up on me, the pain, the fear, the anger. Learning to cope and overcome the trauma has been a journey on its own. Like anything else it takes time to heal. I have learned that healing is something that looks different for each of us. Only time will allow us to learn the tools on how to cope and manage our trauma. Daily practices definitely play a huge role on my mood.

Going back to work has been a blessing. I can’t avoid my story when clients ask,I have no choice but to work through it and share. By sharing it has allowed me to heal. It has brought me one step closer.

Stella not only taught me to be patient in general, but to be patient with myself. Being compassionate to myself and allowing my soul to take its time through this healing journey. Something I still struggle with but am aware of. Being aware of yourself is the first step!

I’ll never forget the day these photos were taken. It was day 48 of us being in the hospital and we thought that it was “time” to share some quality moments with the boys, away from the hospital. We decided to take them to Crescent beach. The mom guilt was full on that day. I mean leaving Stella alone at the hospital and even thinking that we were “leaving her behind” haunted me.

The moment my feet hit the sand and water, it was like something came over me. I felt grounded for the first time in a long time. I felt safe.

It was a feeling I had been searching for all along! I believe that there are no mistakes and that things ALWAYS happen for a reason. Something brought me to that very moment to show me what it felt like to be grounded, and to show me that no matter the outcome it was possible to feel that way!

It has taken me awhile to get back to this feeling. When “normal” everyday life hits at times it’s hard to make time for myself. However I know what my mind and spirit needs in order to function at 100% for myself and my family. Sometimes I have to give myself pep talks other time FIl does, but that’s the beauty in growth! With a lot of spiritual work and self reflection I have come to this very moment. No more holding back, anything is possible if you are willing!

It’s a commitment I made myself and something I will not compromise!

What helps you through your journey?

33 Lessons

Today I turn 33. This year has truly flown by. It was full of emotions and lessons, gifts and a whole lot of surrendering. I’m taking some time to slow down and really pay attention to the lessons I have learned thus far.

Here are my top 33:

1. Lean not to give a S$@&- really master this because it will make your life easier. 
2. Some one will always have an opinion- they just will and really who cares they are entitled to it !  
3. Do you- worry about you and see the magic unfold.
4. Love yourself- unconditionally
5. Love harder- harder than you ever have before
6. Appreciate the small things
7. Don’t sweat the small stuff
8. Worry about today-tomorrow is not promised
9. Focus on one thing at a time- clear your mind and really focus on what matters 
10. Rome wasn’t built in one day-take your time
11. Trust your gut
12. You know what’s best for YOU
13. Listen to your intuition
14. Speak your truth- always, it will get you farther
15. Learn about yourself- take the time to learn about you
16. Money does not make you happy
17. Happiness comes from with in
18. Don’t change for others
19. Appreciate your family
20. See the rainbow in all things
21. See the good in all
22. My faith is my salvation
23. Trust in the process- just trust
24. Time will heal all
25. Be responsible for your self
26. Actions speak louder than words
27. Enjoy every moment
28. Every breath is a blessing
29. Share your happiness- celebrate and  share with others
30. Express your gratitude
31. Be a good human- just do it ! 
32. Lead by example- hard to do at times but very true! 
33. Stop making excuses- whatever it is go for it ! 

 

Xo  

Rosanna

Moment with Stella

As parents, at times we can be overly cautious … don’t you think? 

As many of you may know, we brought Stella back to emergency about 4 weeks ago when noticed she was having trouble breathing and since all the kids had a nasty cold, we felt it best to get it checked out. Sure enough, they admitted her. She had RSV; a very common virus that babies get which affects their lungs. She was back on oxygen for 12 days to help her breath.  On the second day we ended up getting transferred to Children’s again from RCH because they couldn’t support her breathing with the machines they had on hand; Stella needed something stronger.

I’m pretty sure that day felt like Groundhog Day. I felt all my emotions come up as paramedics rushed around, put an IV in her, strapped her to the stretcher, etc. It was all overwhelming and a blur. Her 2nd ride in an ambulance - this little girl has really taken us on a ride.

While we were riding in the ambulance, I think my brain went into dead mode. If that makes any sense. I didn’t even know where I was until the driver spoke, “Rosanna we will be turning on the lights and sirens and speeding up in a few minutes because we can’t wait in traffic.”

I could see Stella hooked up to a full-face oxygen machine in the rearview mirror, with 3 other paramedics in the back.  All I could think was, ‘how bad is it?’.

Will she stop breathing? What’s happening?

By the way, we were only going 80 kph.  They look like they are going way faster than that when your not in it and I managed to make a joke while we were driving, I said, “Wish my car had this feature”.

Who makes jokes when they are in a stressful situation? Clearly,it’s one of my many coping mechanisms!

Each and every time we end up back in the hospital over night, it takes a great toll on our family. I feel strong when I’m there, but the minute I get home I feel my anxiety and fear take over. It’s definitely an ongoing issue which I am trying to overcome!

YES! We are back home now.

But the other night, she started to sniffle again. I jumped the gun and ended up bringing her to Children’s at 3am! We get there and thank God they weren’t busy, so we were taken right in.

They ask us to undress the baby, etc.  Of course,she’s happy as a clam! Smiling, babbling with the nurses and Doctor. At one point there were 3 nurses that came in just to see how cute she was.

Has this ever happened to you where you have to tell them, “I swear she didn’t sound good and I know she wasn’t feeling good!”

Do you mammas feel like it takes at least the first two months of your baby’s life to start understanding his or her signs? It’s likeany relationship, I guess.  It takes time to really get to know each other.

At least it wasn’t anything serious - just some nasal congestionand we can handle that!  We were back home and in bed by 5am!

These precious moments with Stella have been nothing but an adventure, and as much as it takes a toll on us, she continues to push us to grow as individuals.

I wouldn’t want it any other way!

They didn’t have a small enough costume for Halloween so they dressed her up ♥️😊 

Behind the scenes

As I write this blog I have tears streaming down my face. It’s still so hard to look at these photos and think “ what the fuck happened?”

Im sharing this intimate blog with all of you because with all the gratitude and abundance came a storm of events to follow, a recovery period that at times feels like it has no end. Sharing is my way of healing. Most,  if not all these photos at one point were so hard to even look at. They bring up such powerful emotions that at times are hard to deal with. 

We have now been home for just over one week and it feels like a dream! 

This milestone felt so far away, but now is our reality. So far Stella has been doing everything a new borne does. Eats Sleeps Poops and Cry’s.  

We went for our first Doctors visit and everything is going as expected so she’s doing great!  As a premi they use a “corrected” age a lot. So she is doing exactly what a three week old would do! 

I still find myself not fully knowing how this all went by so fast. At times my fear and anxiety take over. Fear of losing her or just the thought of what could have gone wrong. It really makes you realize how special it is that God has given her to us. It puts a lot of things into perspective.  .  

Stella coming into our world has also tested our marriage. We all go through ups and downs and I feel like this passed experience has changed us in so many ways. For us as a family it has been a very traumatic event.  

Between my physical absence prior to Stella’s arrival and our journey with her,  we have had NO time to catch our breath.  

No time to reflect, no time to make “plans”, no time to prepare our mental state. And no time to recover. We have been on this never ending train that we knew was headed towards the light, and also towards a mental health mealt down that finally cought up to us. 

Not to mention the sleepless nights and two other baby’s to take care of. So what do we do as Parents? We tend to put ourselves last. 

What I have come to understand is that we all may share the same experience, however our thought process and our recovery period may look completely different then your partners. We have both gone through the exact same thing yet we feel disconnected. Our recovery and healing journey has started. 

It may not look the same for both of us however understanding and allowing each other to “feel” our way to healing is something that will allow us to grow as a couple.  

  One of our coping mechanisms is to think of Stella and what she has overcome, and it instantly gives us the power to shift our thoughts. After all they are JUST thoughts!! 

Angels on Earth

Have you ever had an experience  where you came across someone who you had an instant connection with?  

I met Claudia Chirico over 6 years ago and from the moment I sat in her chair I felt an instant connection with her. Claudia does Bio energy healing. For those of you who don’t know  what Bio Energy is, alow me give you a little insight. 

 Claudia helps others recognize their personal strengths while tapping into their own personal power and self- healing abilities. She encourages you to take full responsibility for your life and supports you in making meaningful changes in all areas of life. 

She combines Talk Therapy with Energy Therapy. This allowes you to overcome and heal from physical, mental and emotional pain/stress, grief/loss, anxiety, depression, low self–esteem, low drive/energy levels, lack of focus/disconnect, and a variety of other physical and emotional pain.

The best way to describe her work space is pure Magic and Bliss. Wen you walk in you gain a sense of peace and comfort, from the music to the healing stones as well as her jewelry. Every inch of that space is sacred and anything you take home has pure magic attached to it. Time and time again Claudia has helped me discover my true self and has encouraged me to live my true purpose. 

I want to share some comforting worlds she shared with me while Stella has been in the hospital:

 “✨ I feel a profound connection to your little Angel. She may be little but her heart, her light and her energy is strong. She is a warrior. Whenever I feel a little down I think of Stella and I instantly snap out of it. She gives me strength, she helps me wake up and recognize how precious life is, what a gift life is, what a blessing life is and what a privilege it is to be alive and experience all the love and joy I am meant to experience. If she can fight so hard to be here, to defy all the odds, to trust in God’s Grace and heal herself then I must do the same. We are all here to learn, grow and expand. She is helping us all learn, grow and trust in our life journey. We cannot control everything, we must let go and trust that we are safe and being looked after. I am so grateful for the opportunity to connect and learn from you and from Stella 🙏 You both are true blessings to all of us “

I take this time to share with all of you, the incredible impact you can have on one another. She is the true meaning of unconditional love to all!  Imagine what life would be like if we lived in pure gratitude 24/7. 

I encourage you to check her out and see for yourself.