As I write this blog I have tears streaming down my face. It’s still so hard to look at these photos and think “ what the fuck happened?”
Im sharing this intimate blog with all of you because with all the gratitude and abundance came a storm of events to follow, a recovery period that at times feels like it has no end. Sharing is my way of healing. Most, if not all these photos at one point were so hard to even look at. They bring up such powerful emotions that at times are hard to deal with.
We have now been home for just over one week and it feels like a dream!
This milestone felt so far away, but now is our reality. So far Stella has been doing everything a new borne does. Eats Sleeps Poops and Cry’s.
We went for our first Doctors visit and everything is going as expected so she’s doing great! As a premi they use a “corrected” age a lot. So she is doing exactly what a three week old would do!
I still find myself not fully knowing how this all went by so fast. At times my fear and anxiety take over. Fear of losing her or just the thought of what could have gone wrong. It really makes you realize how special it is that God has given her to us. It puts a lot of things into perspective. .
Stella coming into our world has also tested our marriage. We all go through ups and downs and I feel like this passed experience has changed us in so many ways. For us as a family it has been a very traumatic event.
Between my physical absence prior to Stella’s arrival and our journey with her, we have had NO time to catch our breath.
No time to reflect, no time to make “plans”, no time to prepare our mental state. And no time to recover. We have been on this never ending train that we knew was headed towards the light, and also towards a mental health mealt down that finally cought up to us.
Not to mention the sleepless nights and two other baby’s to take care of. So what do we do as Parents? We tend to put ourselves last.
What I have come to understand is that we all may share the same experience, however our thought process and our recovery period may look completely different then your partners. We have both gone through the exact same thing yet we feel disconnected. Our recovery and healing journey has started.
It may not look the same for both of us however understanding and allowing each other to “feel” our way to healing is something that will allow us to grow as a couple.
One of our coping mechanisms is to think of Stella and what she has overcome, and it instantly gives us the power to shift our thoughts. After all they are JUST thoughts!!