As Surgery day approaches for the third time for our first born, I can’t help but to have feelings that I thought were “resolved” come up. This photo was taken on his very first surgery.
You know when you think you are over something and you just caught your breath, but then something else pops up that makes you feel like you are back to the bottom.
This journey of ours has really tested us thus far in many many ways, and it continues to teach us things mainly about ourselves and how we can grow and become better people, better friends better brothers sisters and mothers.
Journaling is something I started at such a young age, god only knows how many diaries I had full of words and emotions. Till this day I Journal to gather my thoughts in one area and to allow those feelings to move through me. By writing them down I feel as if they leave my body, if I didn’t journal it would feel as if I was bottling it all inside! I’m currently using the 100 day journal from Lucy Celebrates. It’s such a beautiful Gratitude journal it has amazing inspiring biblical quotes as well as it keeps you accountable with your thoughts!
I cant help but to ask myself how children are so strong to endure such things! They are so resilient, they come back and forget in seconds!
Can’t we be more like this? Can’t we be more forgiving and compassionate towards each other?
Such things go though my head in times like this. Because it’s now our fourth surgery at Children’s hospital we know the routine we know what to expect. I don’t know if I feel sad about the fact that it second nature now to us. I honestly feel numb to the situation it’s jair something that I have no choice but to be strong and be there for my children. Falling apart is not an option.
Dont get me wrong I have my moments. All these “events” have taken a toll on me. There are days I’m so upset about it all, days I can’t even talk or think about it and days where I cry all the time. It’s a roller coaster of emotions. But what is stronger through all those emotions are those miracles that came out it! 3 healthy children who are alive and thriving.
Finding God’s presence and leaning on him instead of myself in times like this, has allowed me to heal and overcome so much.
There are blessings all around us if you are willing to look!
Xo
Ro